We’ve all sat through forgettable 1:1s — vague check-ins, rushed agendas, or worse, weekly status meetings disguised as something more meaningful.

But when done well, a 1:1 can be the most impactful 30 minutes of your week — a space for trust, growth, and alignment.

So how do you run 1:1s that engineers actually want to attend?

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Make It Their Time, Not Yours

The biggest mindset shift: 1:1s are not for you. They're for them.

This is your engineer’s space to:

• Share feedback or frustrations
• Talk about their career
• Ask for support
• Raise team or tech concerns
• Celebrate small wins

Don’t fill the time with your updates or performance evaluations. Focus on listening. Ask open questions like:

• “What’s something you’ve enjoyed working on recently?”
• “What’s been frustrating or blocking you?”
• “Is there anything I could be doing differently to support you better?”

Your job: create space, listen deeply, and follow through.

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Consistency Builds Trust

Canceling 1:1s frequently sends a loud message — “You're not a priority.”

Unless there’s an emergency, keep the cadence sacred. Weekly or biweekly is a good rhythm for most teams.

Even if there’s “nothing urgent,” show up. You’ll build trust simply by being reliably present.

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Mix Short-Term and Long-Term

It’s easy to let 1:1s become reactive. But the most meaningful ones zoom out from the daily churn.

Balance each conversation between:

• Tactical check-ins (how the week is going, blockers, wins)
• Strategic development (career goals, skills to build, aspirations)
• Cultural pulse (team dynamics, collaboration, energy levels)

Pro tip: Keep a shared running doc of topics so neither of you has to start from scratch each time.

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Personalize the Format

Not every engineer wants the same type of conversation — and that’s okay.

Some ideas to keep it fresh:

• Walk-and-talks or coffee chats (especially remote)
• Structured check-ins using a framework (e.g., Start/Stop/Continue)
• Reviewing past goals and setting new ones
• Debriefs after big milestones (launches, incidents, design reviews)

Ask your engineer what makes 1:1s feel valuable to them — and adapt.

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Turn Feedback Into Action

Nothing kills trust faster than asking for feedback… and doing nothing with it.

If your engineer shares a frustration or request:

1. Acknowledge it.
2. Clarify and dig deeper.
3. Follow up — ideally by your next 1:1.

Even small changes show that you’re listening — and that builds psychological safety over time.

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Final Thoughts

The best 1:1s feel like a pressure valve — a space to reflect, recalibrate, and connect.

They’re not about productivity. They’re about people.

So listen more. Talk less. And treat these conversations as the leadership tool they are — not just another meeting on the calendar.

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Want to level up your 1:1s? Try one of the prompts above and let me know how it goes.